Kanye Lions

In a last minute surprise, Kanye West will be giving a presentation later this week. No one is sure what Kanye will talk about, but I’m guessing it’s going to heavily feature the word “Kanye.”

Kanye’s speech is sponsored by Translation, who need to realize that paying Kanye West to talk is like paying a junkie to take heroin.

But that’s tomorrow.  Today, as Cannes Lion was still reeling from the departure of philosopher/artiste David Hasselhoff, Sarah Jessica Parker stepped in to fill the void.  You might remember SJP from HBO’s hit series ‘Sex and the City’ and from… HBO’s hit series ‘Sex and the City’.

SJP talked to Cosmopolitan Editor in Chief Joanna Coles, about “having it all.” In Cannes Lions,“having it all” means getting to the free buffet line and open bar before the Australians.

On ‘Sex and the City’, SJP played famous magazine columnist Carrie Bradshaw, though that was back in the days when not only were there famous magazine columnists, they actually got paid.

SJP says she has a “complicated” relationship with Twitter and fears “it might destroy her.” If Twitter does destroy Sarah Jessica Parker, her tombstone will read, “RIP SJP OMG LOL”

Ms. Coles said that women were under-represented in the media, noting that only 23% of dialogue in films was said by women. Even worse, 50% of that was in the movie ‘Sex and the City 2’.

SJP hinted that there might be a third ‘Sex and the City’ movie, so her appearance at Cannes Lion has been reclassified as a “terrorist threat.”  She actually said that they have a plot ready for ‘Sex and the City 3’. However, they still haven’t figured out what the plot was for ‘Sex and the City 2’.

SJP talked about her new HBO show, which is about a woman in her 40s who has an affair. Since the show is on HBO, it’s called ‘Game of Bones’.

Actually the new show is called, ‘Into the Fire’ and SJP says it takes Sex and the City fans into their 40s and 50s, when they realize that eating all those Magnolia bakery cupcakes gave them adult onset diabetes.

“Sherlock” co-creator Stephen Moffatt is coming to Cannes Lion to talk about taking a character from another century and updating it for today’s audiences.  Moffatt says that his strategy worked so well for Sherlock Holmes, that next he’s going to try it for David Hasselhoff.

Moffat’s co-creator on the show, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle couldn’t be here. I wonder why?

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